Hail! The Spider Killer Extraordinaire!
Ever since my husband cleaned out the shed in the garden we have had a problem with monstrous spiders taking up residence indoors. For some reason they all make a B line for Ana's room, the only person here with severe arachnophobia! Last night one of them came tap dancing out from under Ana's tv unit in her room and did the shimmy shuffle across the floor in her general direction. In came mummy (because Vincent is useless with anything with more then 4 legs) with the hoover to the rescue.
Well I'll be fucked if it isn't MAHOOSIVE (and I'm not talking teenage yob gang material). I place the hoover pipe near the bastard as Ana turns the hoover on. It only bloody well runs away from the hoover and back under Ana's TV unit. I moved the unit, but no sign of the spider. Ana was in such a state by now that I even put my face on the floor and looked under the unit (If it had run at me I would have collapsed and convulsed on the floor).
Anyway spider now missing, I had to convince Ana to go to bed. we barricaded the gaps under the tv unit and sprinkle Ana's conker collection around the room (Spiders apparently don't like them) and she reluctantly goes to bed. Fast forward to about 3pm this afternoon when Shen our Labrador brings something over to me that he has in his mouth. He softly deposits the shrivveled carcass of the missing spider (unless there was more the one, which by the way doesn't bare thinking about) at my feet. I'm not sure how it died, as I didn't perform a post mortem. But I am pretty sure either Shen the daft dick loved it to death or it had a heart attack after it's near miss with the hoover. Anyway.
ALL HAIL THE SPIDER KILLER EXRTAORDINAIRE!