Dear Carpal Tunnel Syndrome,
I need my hands, so cock off.
I know there's only 6 weeks to go until we finally meet you and things are getting a wee bit cramped in there, but please, for the love of all that is holy, stop trying to stretch it further. Oh, and that cushion you keep bouncing your head off? That's my bladder, I use it to pee.
Your beleaguered mother x
Dear Stranger in the school playground,
Don't stand next to me and talk to your friend about babies who don't sleep at night then turn, smile at me and say, 'you've got this all to come.' I've had two children before, this is evident by the fact I was at the school to pick one of them up. Also, I am well aware of the fact some children don't sleep, this little gem didn't pass me by unnoticed as my youngest didn't sleep through the night until she started full time education. Contrary to my appearance I have not had a frontal lobotomy and thus simply forgotten that babies may and do wake in the night.
And while we at it, please don't causally mention how tired I look already, I may just kick you in the chuff.
Yours, Hormonal and not above murder x
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