Dear Family, is this have a go at me day?

Dear Family, is this have a go at me day?

Because I have clearly missed the memo.

Dear Husband,

You are a big boy now, left home and everything. You're 36 not 6 years old, please act accordingly. I do not wear your shoes, underpants or clothes, hence I do not know where any given item is at a particular time. Especially pre caffeine intake. Also please refrain from asking me if something is washed. If is is not in your drawers or wardrobe chances are high that it hasn't been. If the item was not placed in the wash basket, but screwed into a ball and kicked under the bed then I can be 99.9% certain that it didn't get washed.

Dear Ana,

When I ask you to do something or to brush your teeth in time for the transport to school please do so without a huge flappy song and dance. Also flouncing and slamming doors is frowned upon. If I am raising my voice is it because you didn't hear my request the fist 70 times I asked.

Dear Pugpoo,

Screaming is not a recognised form of communication. It does not get you the item of desire any quicker as it just serves to confuse my sleep addled brain. Changing volume, pitch and octave does not help. Also violence will not get your point across any faster. If I couldn't understand what the fuck you were screaming for in the first bloody place headbutting, kicking and bashing the crap out of me does not make things any clearer! I hope this has helped to clear up any confusion on the matters mentioned above and I look forward to ignoring you all hence forth